Tuesday, May 9th
It was wonderful not being part of the 1800 guests packing up to depart the ship today, or those lugging suitcases on board to bring our total back up to a reported 2,547. Instead, we went into the town of Southampton to unload a heavy bag of coins I'd collected over several trips to England, and to find a cafe with free wi-fi to update our blog, answer emails, and read news headlines.
The town is mostly a modern shopping center for ships that dock there, although it retains a fancy, old gateway to one of its streets. We priced wine at Marks and Spenser for Bob, withdrew some money to buy it, and then discovered a better deal elsewhere, leaving us with even more British money to take home, but this time it is in bills.
Wednesday, May 11th – Tuesday May 17th
SCENES FROM A CROSSING
Scene 1
Britannia Restaurant, Open-Seating Breakfast or Lunch, Everyday.
Jim: Hi. I'm Jim.
Bob: Bob.
Stew: Stew
Jim: This is my lovely wife, Pam.
Bob and Stew: Hi Pam.
All shake hands.
Jim: Where you from?
Bob: Arizona. You?
Jim: Florida. Miami area.
Stew: Ah.
Pam: You board in Southampton?
Bob: Hamburg.
Stew: You?
Pam: Southampton.
Bob: Did you fly to London first?
Jim: Yes, and we stayed there a couple of days.
Pam: Great city.
Stew: First trip on the Queen Mary?
Jim: Our third, actually.
Bob: Our second. Notice any difference?
Pam: Gone down hill.
Jim: You know it was bought by Carnival?
Stew: Says it all.
Jim: Sure does.
Pause.
Jim: Staying on in New York?
Bob: Flying straight home.
Pam: Same here. New York's too expensive.
Jim: Don't know how people afford to live there.
Waiter to Pam: Ready to order, Mam?
Pam: Oh no. Haven't had a chance to look at the menu.
Scene 2
9:30 am. Promenade Deck
Stew steps out, ready for his four-mile power walk. Three laps around the deck = 1.1 miles. Sea calm. Heavy fog. Notices solitary man lean over the railing.
Stew: See anything?
Man: Nope.
Stew heads off on the wet, wooden deck. Fog horn sounds.
Scene 3
Bob and Stew alone in their inside stateroom.
Bob: I don't think Dick and Cheryl would like the Queen Mary.
Stew: Why?
Bob: Dick would be lost all the time.
Stew: We're lost all the time.
Bob: You're right. Whoever designed the ship should have his head examined. Some elevators go up only part way; some corridors don't go all the way from bow to stern.
Stew: What's this “bow” to “stern” talk?
Bob: I was in the Navy.
Stew: The QM 2 is more elegant than HAL's Eurodam.
Bob: Cheryl would like the white-gloved service, but what would they do all day?
Stew: Take a look at today's activity sheet. At 8:30, there's Mass with Father O'Connell.
Bob: Right.
Stew: Cheryl might like “Art History At Sea Presentation” at 9:00, and Dick could go to the “Golf Simulator Demo & Booking Session” on Deck 12.
Bob: Well maybe . . .
Stew: Then at 10:00 Cheryl could take the “Watercolour Art Class” for only $35, and Dick could check out “Fitness Center Orientation.” It's free. Wouldn't have to “plunk 'er down.”
Bob: Dick? Get serious.
Stew: At 11:00, he could go to “'Neck & Back Pain' with Jason Scott, Chiropractor.”
Bob: He'd never go to a “quack.”
Stew: Did in Mexico.
Bob: And we've never heard the end of it.
Stew: What else? How about lectures on . . .
Bob: No lectures.
Stew: Bingo? Bridge? Jazz lunch? Shuffleboard. Ballroom Dance Class—Cha Cha Cha. They're all free.
Bob: That's all they'd like about them.
Stew: They might enjoy “Planetarium Film: Cosmic Collisions” at 1:30.
Bob: That's only 23 minutes. What else?
Stew: iPhoto workshop for Mac? Cheryl could learn how to process photos on her cell phone.
Bob: Dick could do “Wipeout Trivia” at 3:00.
Stew: While Cheryl takes “Afternoon Tea” in the Queens Room to the accompaniment of the Adagio String Quartet.
Bob: Good choice. But what about Dick?
Stew: The Golden Lion Pub is open.
Bob: And at 4:30, there's “Pub Team Trivia” there with the Entertainment Staff.
Stew: Leave them time for to dress for dinner.
Bob: Almost forgot: “Tonight's Dress Code: Formal. Ladies: Evening Dress or Other Formal Attire. Gentlemen: Tuxedo, Black Tie or Dark Suit.”
Stew: Leaves Dick out.
Bob: He has a dark suit.
Stew: No. The part about “Gentlemen.”
Bob: Cute.
Stew: Try to be.
Bob: Early seating for dinner's at 6:00. Four courses: appetizer, salad, entree, dessert. Through by 7:30.
Then what?
Stew: So many choices. They'd have a hard time deciding.
Bob: Name one.
Stew: “The Royal Cunard Singers & Dancers Present; 'Viva Italia.'”
Bob: Cheryl might like it, but Dick would run the other way.
Stew: If he could figure out which that was.
Bob: If any of us could.
Stew: So what would he like?
Bob: “Russell Holmes performs piano standards?” Don't think so.
Stew: Here one: “Name that Tune” followed by “Karaoke!”
Bob: Perfect.
Stew: But only if you go with him.
Bob: No way.
Stew: The “soothing sounds of harpist Hannah Kuipers?”
Bob: Dick?
Stew: How about “Swing-along jazz favourites with The Simon Glafe Trio”?
Bob: Possible.
Stew: Or maybe Cheryl could get him to take her dancing at the “Big Band Ball with the combined Queens Room and Royal Court Theatre Orchestras under the musical direction of Joey Mix, hosted by vocalist John LaBelle.”
Bob: And: “At approximately 10:45pm [they could] enjoy a special floor show by our internationally acclaimed dance couple: Petre and Roxana.”
Stew: Or maybe they could just go to the movie, Eat, Pray, Love at 8:00 pm.
Bob: Dick would hate it.
Stew: So what's the solution?
Bob: Suggest they go camping instead.
Scene 4
Commodore Club Lounge. 5:10 pm. Twenty, mostly older gay men gathered for scheduled “Friends of Dorothy GLBT” cocktail hour.
Bob (pointing): There's a wedding going on in the Board Room.
Man: Is the Captain there?
Bob: Looks like it.
Everyone looks at the ceremony on the other side of the glass doors. Conversation resumes until the happy couple emerge. Both are in their 50s, ample-sized. Think Mr. and Mrs. Pickwick.
Stew: Shouldn't we applaud, or something?
The couple with a hostess, ship's photographer, and the Captain head to a corner of the lounge set with a champagne bucket and wedding cake. Twenty gay men burst into applause. The couple beam and wave shyly. A few minutes later, the hostess leans over a railing just above the gathering of men.
Hostess: The couple wonders if you'd share their wedding cake?
Someone: Great!
Another: Thanks!
The hostess disappears to fetch dishes and forks as the couple walk to the railing.
Groom: Hello Friends of Dorothy!
Chorus: Hello. Congratulations!
Bride: It's our 25th Wedding Anniversary. We just renewed our vows.
Scattered applause with more “Congratulations!”
Groom: Never knew what “Friends of Dorothy” meant before now.
Man: Wizard of Oz.
Second man: No. Dorothy Parker.
Third Man: Who?
Second Man: You know, The Algonquin Club.
Third Man (looking puzzled): Oh.
The bride whispers to the groom.
Groom: My wife wonders if you'd be willing to have a photo taken with us?
Men look at one another, surprised.
Someone: Sure. Why not?
Photographer: Can you sort of squish together so I can get you all in?
Everyone squishes together. Bride and Groom stand behind railing, beaming. Bride carries bouquet.
Photographer: Ready now. One, two, three, Friends of Dorothy!
Scene 5
Bob and Stew wait in line for a showing of the film, “Search for Life,” in the Planetarium, Illuminations Theatre. The door opens and people from the first showing stream out.
Stew to one lady: Did they find any?
Woman: Don't want to spoil the plot for you.
Scene 6
Bob and Stew happen to be on deck after dinner at 7:35 pm. After a set of chimes on the loudspeaker, the Captain announces that we have just past over the final resting place of the Titanic. Earlier that day, a woman in the dining room had pointed out this upcoming event to Bob.
Woman: Hope there are no icebergs now.
Bob: If we hit one, you know what to do?
Woman: What?
Bob: Start singing.
Scene 7
Stew and Bob in the Royal Court Theatre, wait for a performance to begin.
Stew: You realize that dinner for four out of the seven nights from Southampton are formal?
Bob: It wasn't worth schlepping our tuxes all over Europe for just four nights.
Stew: But everyone went to the one last night. I felt like we were second-class citizens eating in La Piazza Cafe.
Bob: Steerage is more like it. Everyone in the Britannia Restaurant is already second-class.
Stew: Right. The rich hoity-toits have their own restaurants where no riffraff are even permitted to enter.
Bob: And dinner in the Piazza was absolutely the worst buffet I have ever had anywhere anytime, no exceptions.
Stew: You think it was intentional? They're trying to discourage independent travelers like us?
Bob: No question.
Stew: So what do we do?
Bob: Have a big lunch. Go to high tea. Order room service.
Stew: We could try to crash the party. Go with jacket and tie. See if they throw us out.
Bob: I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.
Stew: I know. Next time we'll wear our tuxes and baseball caps!
Bob: There won't be a “next time.”
Scene 8
Bob and Stew are having lunch in a small, glassed-in area jutting onto the Promenade Deck from the Lotus Room of King's Court. Walkers of all shapes, sizes and ages stroll or speed-walk past. A middle-aged man with an expensive camera with telescopic lens steps onto the deck, focuses on the dense fog, snaps a photo, and disappears back into the ship. An obese couple occupy a two-seater in the same nook.
Man: Lots more walkers today.
The woman, her mouth full, nods in agreement.
